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Song in my head: Mood: Current book: Suddenly I feel much calmer. Maybe it's because I may have a home soon. Maybe just because the mood passed on like a raincloud. Maybe because I'm doing the Artist's Way exercises and I did my first morning pages. Maybe because Suzanne and I went to the atrium to get cookies and soda. Or because the library guy I've got a tiny crush on was really friendly to me today (like usual, which is why I've got a crush on him). Maybe because Danny across the hall cheered me up with anecdotes about driving a UPS truck around Manhattan. It is so hard to deal with the fact that Louis is not evil incarnate. That he wasn't 100% horrible to me. That in many ways, he meant well. It hurts so much to have seen such good in him and then have him turn on me anyway. I know I can't keep scrutinizing, it'll make me crazy. It's over, no matter what happened. But why does moving on seem like such a betrayal? How can I think fondly of him and then want to exact revenge? I won't, but I need to stop letting the past have so much power over me. |
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