And I am feeling pretty tired, too. I haven't been getting enough sleep each night, even the nights that Ben's not over. Tonight I am going to Andi and Doron's to catsit and I'm going to spend the night and it will be a nice little get-away from home. I like my room a lot, it's cozy and warm and friendly, but a change of scenery is a good thing.

Blah, blah. Can you say boringcakes?

I haven't been writing so much well one, because I'm still in new-relationship glow, but two, because I feel like I don't have much to write about, and I still have this feeling in my head that if I can't write fantastically on every try, then why bother? I forget about how important it is just to show up on the page - it's like gym class, where your grade is determined just by showing up and trying.

So I'm showing up. I'm trying.

I am starting to have a nudge in my head, a little voice that whispers to me, "Hooray! Love! It's great! Just don't forget about your alone time." And I'm glad it's there. I'm definitely not doing what I've done in all my previous relationships - I haven't completely lost myself, I'm actually pretty grounded - but I just want to be aware of how comfortable and cozy this coupling can become, and just balance it.

Balance, just keep that in mind, baby.

That said, I must indulge some of my happiness, and I refuse to feel guilty about it, either!

Relationship milestone marker: Tuesday I gave Ben keys to my apartment. And he was really sweetly pleased by it.

And I've got to say, I am continually touched by how reliable he is, how I never have to question that he'll call when he says he will, that he shows up when he says he will. (Quite a nice change after the runaround Richard gave me!) Ben treats me with such respect.

And something that still delights me, endlessly. Keith and I were talking a while ago (right before that wonderful weekend where Ben and I finally met in the same place, actually), and Keith had asked me if we were dating exclusively, and I said that it seemed like we were, and I was sort of thinking we were, but we never actually talked about it. So maybe a week later I brought it up to Ben, very lightly, sort of a "hey, I never thought to ask - are we exclusive?" He replied, "Well, I don't want to date anyone else - do you?" "Nope, me either."

My goodness - such a simple thing, but after years of dating men who wanted open relationships, who wanted me on the side, of never being good enough, of always being in second place, hot damn. Who knew it could be so easy to find someone who wants the same thing you do?

(Of course, getting here wasn't easy at all - but now that I am here, that's what feels easy. The convergence.)

Every once in a while, I'll tell Ben about what it was like with the louse, how he cheated on me and rubbed it in my face, and how I hated having an "open" relationship, and Ben will say something along the lines of, "I don't want an open relationship. I just want to be with you."

Man, oh man. I know that relationships take work and everything (though we're still in the gliding stage), but how good to start off wanting the same thing, on the same page, on such solid ground. I'm sure liking this.

Anyway, off to my Lori art-project meeting and a fun night of women-only company and good food and laughter and camraderie.

Yay!