The Brian & Keith situation: Keith will be moving into the 3rd bedroom of my apartment (Keisha the Psycho moved out, just in time!) as of August 1st - Brian's looking for a place for August 1st also. I have offered him my floor or leaky Aerobed or living room futon if need be, although he has a big circle of friends, I hope someone else would have more luxurious accommodations to offer than I! They are not so unbearably angry at each other, which selfishly, I am finding much easier to deal with. Funny, I'm still all shaken up and bewildered by it, but I'm also dealing much better than I ever would have anticipated. I think I have developed solid, strong coping skills over the past year. I think it's going to take me a while to stop thinking of them as "Brian and Keith" but it'll also give me the time and opportunity to develop and deepen my relationships with them independently.

The Gideon situation: I haven't heard from him since Thursday when he wrote me the terribly lovely email, but he told me then how incredibly busy he is, and I already knew that he was out of town for the weekend. So I hope to hear from him again soon. I don't feel sick or nervous about it either, which is usually the case. I realized that we've been corresponding sporadically for a month now, and I'm comfortable waiting. I figure that if I haven't heard from him by Thursday or so, I'd give him a call just to say hi and see how he is, let him know I'm still interested. I have decided that I'm just going to be comfortable with my interest in him. I could be reading things completely wrong, he could be completely uninterested and I could be romanticizing this one date, but you know, that's okay. What do I have to lose? I'm opening my heart up just enough to care, and it feels good. So if I'm wrong or misguided, I'll be sad about it, and move on. I'm a wonderful catch for a wonderful guy, and I'm just going to be patient. My gut tells me that things could work out with Gideon, and I'll just deal with the feelings of stupidity if I'm wrong.

And good lord!! Just as I'm writing all of this, guess who calls?

Yep, you've got it - Richard the Disappearing Author. The man's got balls, I've gotta give him that. No "sorry I haven't called" or anything, just a hey, wanna meet in the park this week?

So, you know, I said yes. Just because I could. Because as much as I adored Gideon from the moment we started writing, I'm a realist. If he wanted to start dating, I would drop any other guys in a heartbeat. But I am not going to do that prematurely. I recognize that we have only been on one date and that it all may be in my head. So unless we did decide to date, I'll see other people, sure, even though I have a feeling no one will quite compare to his quirky endearing intelligence and compassion and warmth. (Goodness, I am having such the schoolgirl crush!! Is it at all logical to feel this way after ONE DATE?? And I can't believe I only met him a week ago.)

So, Richard, anyway, I don't really care one way or another what happens there, I can deal with some park bench smooching (although I wonder if my heart will be in it?), but I'm just gonna use him the way he's using me - it's all friendly enough - until I get bored.

How ironic that he called NOW, though!!

Goodness, life is sure keeping me on my toes.