I couldn't fall asleep last night until 3:00 AM-ish. I kept waking up. I kept having weird dreams.

This is embarrassing to admit, but I'm not even showering daily. I feel nasty.

But I just can't bring myself to do anything. I don't want to go out into the real world.

I just want to fall asleep again and hibernate. My dreams are so much more interesting than my real life.

Hell, my real life is interesting enough, but I'm not thrilled with WHY it's interesting.

I know all the things I SHOULD do. I should go shower (and I will by the end of the day because that's just gross). Get out of the house. Return my library books. Maybe go for a nice walk.

But that would make me feel more alive and feeling more alive would make me FEEL and then I would be consumed with anger and hate and self-loathing and I'd much rather just be numb.