Comments:

brian#1 - 2004-02-19 10:50:31
wow...at first i thought your reaction to his loafing in bed a bit melodramatic...i've been taking all these romance personality tests through LJ and match.com, and a lot of the issues they ask about are feelings of inadequacy (your own and your partner's), fear of not being loved any more, worry, anxiety, etc., all the nasty things that come out under times of stress or whatever... but then i put it in context of V-Day, which really did have a lot to do with why you reacted the way you did. V-Day can be both a blessing and a curse, and it's also nothing at all to many. you formulated a perfect day in your mind and set high expectations...and got disappointed as a result. BUT there isn't anything wrong with planning a nice day, especially V-Day...if i were you, i would have jostled him out of bed LONG ago and said "let's get a move on, pardner!" i guess there's a fine line when it comes to expressing our deep, irrational fears...there are intricate nuances to sharing our shadowside with our partners...(nuances that i haven't mastered, mind you!!)...on one hand, you feel communication is best so let it out and work it out and be done with it...on the other hand, (and this is one i know from a LOT Of experience), these irrational fears are sometimes symptoms of a flaw in self-love and self-confidence, and who likes to shove that in our partner's face...it's especially unfair when we verbalize an emotional projection onto them, and do so in an angry way as you did. but as i said, communicating these kinds of feelings is one of the toughest challenges any lovers face. in some ways, while you feel he shouldn't have said "you don't need to cry" out of relationship naivet�, there are other ways to handle your feelings that you could have chosen that, too, might have been a little more befitting of someone with the kind of understanding that you have about relationships. instead, you stewed, worked yourself up into a hissy, and then let loose on him. poor guy! BUT, (lot's of BUTs here, eh?), it looks like you're a good match, because you got your frustrations off your chest and he was able to hear you out and reply in a way that neutralized your frustration to your satisfaction. so, ultimately, the net result was positive for both of you... not to mention, it sounds like things worked out in the end... relationships are very hard work...so much so that i've put a temporary moratorium on getting too deep with someone...qraig is the closest thing i have to a bf at the moment, but i'm keeping my distance nonetheless, for both our sakes...and i hope he continues to be as understanding as he has been thus far. it sounds like Ben is an understanding guy, and it also sounds like you're understanding of him...in other words: you're doing just fine! :-) okay...enough of my rambling on....be well! ~~~ GAY MARRIAGE OR BUST!!! ~~~
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