I think the weather has been making me feel pretty grumpy and dissatisfied and I'm getting some serious cabin fever. Make that that the weather is definitely affecting me. Just Monday when it was nice out I was strolling along outside and feeling just elated at the excitement of a new year, of rebirth and blossoming and the excitement that the beginning of spring brings. And now I'm just blah again. It doesn't help that two-thirds of the lights in my office are out; I requested replacement bulbs yesterday morning and nothing so far. Argh!

I'm also a little frustrated that Ben and I are stuck in a bit of a rut lately. I'm not frustrated with him - it's just that our schedules have been hectic, and while we've been seeing a lot of each other, very little of it has been long, leisurely stretches of uninterrupted time. Our current routine consists of Ben coming over later in the evening, us having dinner, watching some TV, having some sex, and then going to bed, and then rushing out the door for work the next morning. It's all lovely and cozy and domestic, but also rather rushed, as we only get a few (okay, maybe six) waking hours together. I can understand why we've fallen into it - February was so busy, with my birthday and Valentine's Day and my birthday party and the conference, not to mention that Ben's stressed out about school - but that doesn't mean that I don't want to shake it up a little.

And there's this tendency to wait for Ben to do it, but hello, I'm finally a little more proactive than I used to be. He's coming over tomorrow night after having dinner with his cousin (I was invited but I've got yoga), and I'm just gonna say something like "hey, we've been cooped up indoors all month, let's have some fun, let's go on a date, let's spend all day Sunday together and sleep in late and go for Dunkin Donuts and then go to a museum (ooh, I should suggest the Transit Museum, we both love the subway) or something, let's just go out and have a great time!" I imagine it'll go over better than "oh my god, I'm so annoyed at being inside all the time and watching too much TV and being in the same room all the time and how come you never take me out anymore?" Thankfully, that's not how I'm feeling anyway, at least not the "you never take me out anymore" part - the looking at the same set of four walls is kinda, but that's not Ben's issue. I'm glad that I'm looking at what I can do to change things I don't like, instead of brooding over why Ben won't read my mind and fix them for me, like I did to all my previous boyfriends.

Though I also realize that I've slipped a little into the not-doing-enough-by-myself mindset I can get into when I'm in a relationship. Just something to keep in mind. I have a feeling that these wintery blahs are having a lot to do with it, because I wasn't feeling that way last week. Is there somewhere I can move to with eternal springtime?

(Tangent: I really really really want to see Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind . It's giving me a very Being John Malkovich vibe, and oh, how I love that movie. I hoping to get Ben to go this weekend; if not, I'll go see it by my lonesome.)