2004-03-03 @ 4:22 p.m. | Yikes, has it really been that long?

Song in my head: Above You, Below Me by Badly Drawn Boy

Mood: springy

Current book: The I-5 Killer by Ann Rule (I should have posted while I was reading the Poisonwood Bible!)


Sometimes I feel like the longer I go without posting, the more things there are to talk about, and it looks so daunting, and I just get overwhelmed, and then I don't post some more, and then I just want to throw my hands up in futility, and you know what? I'm just gonna post anyway. Get back on that horse.

So, back to our regularly scheduled programming:

Man oh man, this four or five day streak of warm weather is just heavenly. It amazes me what a difference it makes - I feel like a plant craning toward sunshine. I am just eating this up, this nourishment, flourishing.

(There are brief mumblings in my head that are starting to whisper maybe someday, not just yet, but someday, someday you might want to live somewhere where you can get a little more sunshine and warmth than you're getting now. Maybe you don't want to feel dulled and slowed and not-quite-yourself for half a year.)

Maybe. Just something to think about.

But yes, the sun comes out. The air gets warm. Nourish and flourish. Two weeks ago in the cold and dark I was subsisting on microwave popcorn and Entenmman's Popems (those things are just damm yummy) - in this warmth and sunshiny goodness, I've been drawn to real actual produce! Totally craving the fruit and veggies. I've been eating plums and pears and grape tomatoes (is it me, or are grape tomatoes just the best?) and grapes and grapefruit - goodness, I had no idea there was such a grape theme in my meals! Last night I was in the mood to cook so I made sausage and peppers with tortellini for dinner, and Ben brought red wine, and you know, that just beats popcorn for dinner any day.

In other news, my birthday party was a resounding success (other than the cringeworthy moment where my sister-in-law somehow decided to pontificate on how gay marriage somehow lessens or detracts from her own marriage - grrrr.) I managed to pack in just a ton of people into my little room (with spillover in the kitchen and living room), and Marty and Neil and Aimee got to meet all my new friends I've made in the year since they last visited, and it was just wonderful to have so many loved ones in one small space!

Then this past weekend was the exhibition and conference that Lori did, where I got to display my piece in a real actual gallery, and got to spend a full two days at the conference, titled Fat Attitudes: A Celebration of Large Women and it was just so goddamn good. I'm not feeling too articulate at the moment, so I don't know how much justice I can do it, but it was so good to be part of something so strong. And to have made a significant contribution. To not be so silent. (Isn't that why I came to this page in the first place anyway, to flesh out my voice?) Andi and Cristin and I participated in a panel on Sunday (in front of an audience!) and talked about what it was like to do the project, what the process was like, and just, wow.

(See what so much time away from the page will do?!)

I'll really have to return to that when I don't have just fifteen minutes before I leave for swimming. But it was just so wild to be so out there, be so visible and so unashamed. I think casting off shame is good for your health - I feel just radiant.

And ooh, how could I forget? One of the photographers who presented work at the show and spoke at the conference asked if I would model for her! I said that I would love to, didn't know how far we would get with it, and wouldn't you know, we've got a date set for a photo shoot on Saturday!

Hey, I guess I have been busy, haven't I?

I am really looking forward to my almost-week away in April; our week away, I should say. I think I mentioned it before, but I'll repeat myself anyway. Ben is taking me to North Carolina for Passover - we'll have the seder at his mother's, and then visit his sister, and my cousin Neil, and do our own thing, and wow, we've never spent more than maybe three days together, tops, but I think it'll be great. I'm really looking forward to it. (And he's making all the plans! What a welcome, welcome relief after having to hold the louse's hand through the most minor of tasks, ugh.)

And oh, my Ben. Things between us are just lovely. Getting lovelier by the day. Remember the Valentine's Day drama ? Momentary, understandable drama, just a blip in the road. Today makes five months since we met , and I have to say, it feels like longer. It feels so right to be with him, to be together, and it keeps getting more and more solid, and I am just delighted.

At my birthday party we kept stealing kisses in the kitchen and at one point during the long night and after many drinks, I was sitting on Ben's lap, his arms around my waist (and how marvelous to finally have a boyfriend who wants me in his lap), and I'd been raving to my friends about San Francisco and how much I loved it and how I dream about California at least once a week, and Ben whispered in my ear something like, "so, do you want me to take you to California to stay?" and we haven't brought it up since - since we were both drunk - and I don't take it as an official invitation, but rather an indication that the longer time goes on, when we look forward to the future, we're picturing being together.

This is nothing I'm strongly pursuing, you know, not for now - but I am delighted to cultivate it, let it grow and flourish. Who knew you could love someone this much in just five months?

So much more on my mind, but the pool beckons!


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