2003-11-03 @ 5:35 p.m. | a weekend of earthly delights

Song in my head: Sleep to Dream by Fiona Apple

Mood: where to start?

Current book: Dead by Sunset by Ann Rule


Yowsa.

My readers rock, you've gotta know that.

Thursday's panic prompted Brian to say, "Wow, you really know how to work yourself up when everything seems to be going OK... just take your time and don't feel obligated to do anything." And Kell's words of wisdom: "I think, too, for many of us (hm, might be a girl thing), being in a place where we're "having sex again" is extremely disruptive. The ole' reptilian brain is just beside itself (Yes! Sex! Now! Howl!!!), while the rest of us is just trying to catch up."

Well, boy, isn't that the truth. I'm trying to catch up - my reptilian brain wants nothing more than to rut all day, but some more cerebral part of me is trying to hold on to some kind of routine and stability.

I spent Friday night at my parents' place to spend my mom's birthday with her and it was relaxing and fun and cozy and the perfect amount of time, too - often at my folks' place I stay too long and get logy and slow with too much TV and little other stimulation. This was perfect, though.

Then Saturday evening I came back to the city and Ben came over and didn't leave until this morning and my goodness, how overcome, how lost, how delightfully unnerved I was. (And oh, how clumsy my words today!) But I took your advice, dear readers, and relaxed, relaxed into it, and had a marvelous, amazing time. (I started a parenthesis, and now I can't remember what I was gonna write. Distracted much?)

And too much information time again - the sex is freakin' amazing. I forgot what this feels like. I forgot the kind of connection that's possible. I don't know if I have ever been this desired (at least by someone I'm not trying to avoid - Jill knows what I mean!) It's unbelievable. I see the way he looks at me and I feel luscious, tempting, delicious. He can't keep his hands off of me. He walks in the door and within a moment his arms are around me, he's kissing me, he's already hard, his hands are all over me, it's amazing, I never knew I could inspire this kind of feeling, this intensity. Yesterday we were on the bed together and I was stretching and sighing and he grabbed me and moaned "oh my god, you're gorgeous" in my ear and the voice in my head that says "who? me?" is getting weaker and weaker and I feel just voracious for him in return.

My goodness...

(We did make it out of the house yesterday. The zoo was lots of fun.)

Saturday night in my bed, sweaty and spent and trembling (me, anyway, with the trembling - it astonishes me what my body does; after orgasm I am flush with aftershocks and shaking and my hands flutter like lost birds trying to find their way home), we were kissing and I held his face in my hands and oh the kissing and he whispered "oh, Aimee, I am so in love with you."

Yikes. I'm not quite ready for that yet.

But I told him that. I kept kissing him, and said just that, that I'm not ready for that just yet, and I am so proud of myself for staying true. For not parroting it back because I didn't want to hurt his feelings, or because I was feeling lost in the moment. Cause that love stuff is big. Mondo major big. And it's only been a month! But I kept kissing him, and told him I'm sticking around. Cause as much as I wasn't ready for it, I didn't want to run away either.

So this is good. I am maintaining my wholeness, my integrity, all the while liking him more and more. Yeah, the big old "L" word is kinda scary - how can he know that yet? - but I'm not scared off.

Goodness. I do feel that with each orgasm, a little bit of my writing ability trickles away. Hopefully this is just a temporary adjustment.

Sigh.. needless to say, no NaNo got started yet..

Tomorrow I have the day off and while Ben is coming over in the evening, I'm gonna clean and then maybe go to the movies or go to the 10th Street Baths for a day of pure Aimee-only indulgence. I do need some me time, I don't want to forget myself in the midst of this hormonal bliss. And then I have swimming and yoga to ground me - I missed both because of my cold and I think that contributed a lot to my feeling out of it.

So, yes, gotta keep one foot on earth while the rest of me floats for a while.

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