I wasn't keeping this journal on 9/11 and I've never really written about it. There was this odd divide living uptown - people grieved but you could choose to forget for a few moments at a time. I didn't know anyone who died, I wasn't anywhere near the WTC when the planes hit, I couldn't even see the smoke or the hole until days later when I went to 14th Street and sobbed at the corner of 14th and 6th when I saw the empty space filled with smoke where the towers used to be. I felt violated and scared - New York has been such a home to me, it was my home that was attacked - but I was wracked with survivor's guilt for weeks and to this day I feel an interloper among the truly griefstricken.

Ugh. My words are definitely not flowing right now. But I felt like talking anyway. I am growing to feel so at home here on these pages; I feel as if something is missing if I don't come here regularly.

Back to work, but not before noting how disappointed I was: my coworker called me in to her office to help her out, she got stuck with a worm, and she's completely terrified of computers as it is, let alone be able to follow the directions on how to fix it. So I sent her out for lunch while I fixed it, and when she came back, she told me that they were in the middle of filming Law and Order on the corner of Bway and 113th, and she saw "that guy, you know, you see him everywhere - he wears a suit all the time?" So when I was finally done with her computer, I went out to Nussbaum and Wu for a garlic bagel (yum!) in hopes of catching sight of this mysterious suit guy from L&O, but alas, they were done filming and the roadies were packing up. Sigh. Seeing that L&O is the only show I'm a regular fan of (well, at least a show with live-action characters), it would have been cool to turn all groupie and start yelling "Jerry Orbach, I love you!" I guess it just wasn't meant to be.