Brian #1: Brian of B&K (Brian and Keith). He is my bestest friend ever - we met in 6th grade homeroom - and he's the one whose coven sponsors my wicca classes and who took me in when I left Louis. He's also, duh, the gay one. He's the bestest and the most wonderful of my Brians.

Brian #2: Blowjob Brian. The assholest of the Brians by a long shot. My first boyfriend, the one who left me for a another woman but proceeded to sleep with me for five more years (and yes, I'm well aware of my responsbility for that!!) The one who wanted me to teach his last girlfriend how to "suck dick like you do." The one who cried when we dated because he wanted a skinny girlfriend. The one I'm most happy to be without.

Brian #3: Brian from Maine, the guy I dated after Brian #2. I don't talk about him much because there wasn't much to our relationship, despite his delusions that there was. He's the one who would come to bed with a wet face and try to kiss me - he was too damned lazy to dry his face off after he washed it. Ugh. I don't think of him much.

Jill's Brian: This is the Brian whose diary I link to lots, and whose diary I would link to now if it weren't already 5:10. He used to go out with Jill, but they're still friends, and so he and I see each other at parties sometimes. He bears a very slight but unfortunate resemblance to my scary creepy uncle Jeff, so unfortunately, that's how my family knows him. (That's why the resemblance is unfortunate, because no one wants to remind people of my creepy ass uncle!)

There's also Brian the mailman on my parents' postal route and Brian the talking dog on The Family Guy, but I don't think there are any other significant Brians in my life. If I recall more I'll let you know.

Tonight I have the opportunity to go to this really cool fat acceptance event - a one of a kind dealie - in Brooklyn and I just don't know whether I should go or not. I really want to, I just wish it weren't on a goddamn Monday night. Grrrr. But I think I'm gonna go home so if I do decide to go, I can get changed and doll myself up and all of that.