Everything makes me sad about John, although I made it through today without crying (so far!). I'm making cheesecake tonight which makes me think of him, and were he still around I would have sent him an email about the case tomorrow, I'm sure, as well as an update on how it went. I wish I believed in heaven or something schmaltzy like that so I could deal better with the loss, although John would have laughed at that. I'm going to miss his laughter.. he would gently touch my arm as he laughed when I told him something particularly funny, and I delighted in making him laugh - he was opinionated and picky and catty, so I was always especially flattered when I passed his muster.

I'll just keep remembering him. I wrote a letter to his brother telling me how much John meant to me and how much I'll miss him and I'm glad I did that.