So I met this guy online through the personals that I thought sounded cool. He was an opera director, seemed fun, witty, smart, etc., and we made

plans to meet up one night a few weeks ago. Not even 24 hours before our date, Opera Guy calls up to tell me that he can't make it (no reason offered) and we'll have to reschedule. That was on a Tuesday; we left the new date open until we could get to our calendars.

I figured, fine, I understand, things come up.

So then he calls me on that Sunday, I think to reschedule. He wanted to reschedule alright - he wanted me to come meet him right then and there! I felt like that was pretty presumptous - like what, I don't have a life? I could understand if we'd been dating for a while, and he called me on a whim to get together that night, but for a first date, I wasn't comfortable with that (not to mention I had stuff

going on!!)

So I told him no, sorry, I need to make plans in advance, so we agreed to get in touch later to set another date.

Well, we finally set a date for this Monday, and by the time Monday afternoon rolled around, I was sick as a dog. I had a fever, I was congested, exhausted, and slept ALL day. I woke up and left him a message saying that I was really sorry, but I was going to have to ask to reschedule again, seeing how I couldn't get out of bed. (And

it was really obvious from my voice how sick I am!!)

Well, Opera Guy calls me back maybe an hour later and YELLS at me!!

He said stuff like "This isn't going to work out, don't you realize we'd have to wait three weeks, you should have seen me that Sunday I called because you never know when you'll get sick, what's your problem?" So here I am all stunned cause I'm sick and feverish, not

in my best frame of mind, and basically said, if that's how you feel, fine.

And then he had the balls to call me right back to apologize for being churlish, he was just so disappointed that he wasn't going to get to meet me that night after all, it was all he was looking forward to all day, and maybe we could make it sometime later in the

week after all? I said something like, I'll email you tomorrow.

So I did, once I got my wits together, and I said something like "The

more I thought about how you spoke to me, even though you apologized, the more I realized that I don't want to get involved in any way with someone who would speak to me in that manner, especially when we haven't even met yet." I was actually very restrained, but I had no desire to get into it with him. He's not even worth arguing with.

But I'm so proud of myself for sticking up for myself even in a difficult situation. It helped to recognize how manipulative that apology was. It reminded me of the SDM, who would pull that "I only got mad because I wanted to be with you" bullshit. Like I'm to blame for someone else's bad behavior, or inability to deal with frustration. It stuns me that Opera Guy couldn't even keep up a good front until we met - although he did me a great favor by showing what a true asshole he is right away.

And I was initially hesitant that he'd write back and complain that I was overreacting, or that I was a bitch, or that I was a fat bitch, or whatever, but then it occured to me that he can think whatever the hell he wants, it doesn't define me in any way.

Hooray for me!! Standing up for myself doesn't come easy, but it sure feels good.